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2021 NBA draft preview

Kelly Dwyer

29 Jul 2021 — 8 min read

I decided what sort of professions the draftees would have if they weren’t NBA basketball players.

This is my 2021 NBA draft preview.

Cade Cunningham — Action Sports anchor, KOCO-TV Oklahoma City

Yves Pons — ski murderer

Herb Jones — head coach at Texas A&M, 1969 to 1976

Franz Wagner — composer slash Kaiser

Joshua Primo — RA for life

Cameron Krutwig — “he doesn’t do anything but his mom’s loaded and Cam’s throwing a huge party the whole week while she’s in Cartagena with her boyfriend”

Sam Hauser — was played by Michael Dudikoff

David Duke — punchline on the Nov. 16 1991 episode of ‘Saturday Night Live’ starring Linda Hamilton with musical guest, Mariah Carey, an episode which featured this Schillervision:

JT Thor — author of the children’s series ‘Little Blonde Babies’

Daishen Nix — don’t know the backstory but she throws giant crescents of fire if you press down and the right paddle twice, real quickly

Charles Bassey & His Hot Five

Justin Champagnie — wildly offensive character delivered by Taylor Negron

Chris Duarte — bass guitarist

Miles McBride — stand-up bassist

Scottie Barnes — Auburn head coach from 1997 to 2004 and again from 2010 to Nov. 2012 and yeah he had to give a few of those wins back

Mitch Ballock — friend of Magnum’s from “back in the Annapolis days,” played by Perry King

Romeo Weems — was among the song titles Phil Lynott considered before settling on a different lyrical direction for what would, two albums later, turn into ‘Jailbreak’

Corey Kispert — you don’t what he does for a living but you just ran his black AMEX card for his buddies’ open bar tab and you already hate him

Bones Hyland — character, television series ‘Leverage: Redemption’

Quentin Grimes — character, television series ‘Leverage: Redemption’

Kessler Edwards & Associates

Luka Garza — 19-year old starting pitcher, Iowa Cubs

Joe Wisecamp — 32-year old starting catcher, Iowa Cubs

Trey Murphy III — NBA three-point shooter

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REGRETTABLE MOVES FROM THIS DAY IN HISTORY

July 29 in 2004

Clippers decline to match Suns’ offer to restricted free agent Quentin Richardson

Clippers trade future second round draft pick (2005: Chris Taft) to Nets for Kerry Kittles, and $1.5 million.

Kittles played 11 games and 240-odd minutes with the Clippers in 2004-05 before retiring, no surprise, Kerry’s knees were shot in the last century.

He cost the Clippers’ insurers $8.225 million and he cost Sterling no money at all, considering the $1.5 million New Jersey sent the Clippers to facilitate the deal. He made money on this whole fiasco.

Two weeks prior, on the same day Kobe Bryant spurned the Lakers for the Clippers …

“We had every reason to believe our chances were just as good as the Lakers’ chances,” Clippers general manager Elgin Baylor said. “It’s always disappointing to not get a player like Kobe Bryant. Life goes on. We're looking forward to a good season.”

Bryant said he made his final choice Wednesday night, calling it a “tough decision.”

“I could see myself playing for the Clippers. Ultimately, it was in my heart to play for the Lakers,” he said.

… Quentin Richardson signed his offer sheet with Phoenix.

“I’ve had conversations with Quentin, his agent, we will continue to talk,” Baylor said. “We still have 14 days left (to match the offer sheet)."

Six years, $45 million with bonuses, a little with sugar because Steve Nash said so.

Richardson and Nash explained the final obstacle in a podcast in 2019:

Suns executives David Griffin and Rex Chapman were nervous as they attempted to clear up the hurdles of the salary cap coming in lower than expected, Richardson said. That’s when, after they told the players of the problem, Nash stepped in.

“He was like, ‘Take it off mine,'” Richardson said. “I turned to him and look like, ‘Wait a minute.’ Right then, I’ll never forget that, I remember calling (my agent), and he was like, ‘He did what?'”

“That was indicative of who you were for us. It was no thought process. It was like, ‘That was what we waiting on? Boom, bam, bing! Me and Q trying to go to the bar and celebrate and drink.’ And that was literally what you said.”

Nash, who didn’t consult his agent according to Richardson, downplayed the episode.

“I was just excited to be on the team, I was excited for him to come on the team,” Nash said. “What are we waiting on?”

Certainly not the Clippers. They were never keeping Q.

Midway through 2003-04, his free agent season, Richardson told Sports Illustrated his (15-19!) Clippers were the team to beat. Q’s “first choice.”

Corey Maggette and Elton Brand surprisingly re-upped with the Clippers in the summer of 2003. Even Brand didn’t think the Clippers (who finished 2003-04 on a 13-35 tear) would pull that again.

“People are seeing that guys can now get contracts from the Clippers,” says Brand. “Free agents are telling me, ‘Hey, save that money for me this summer.’”

The Clippers entered the offseason with double-figure cap space and enough wiggle room to make a play at Bryant.

But will the Clippers spend that money? They still have the second lowest payroll in the league, which is why Brand remains unconvinced that Sterling will spend again. “We’ll see this summer if Quentin is taken care of, and how other free agents are
recruited and treated,” Brand says.

The Clippers began the 2004 offseason trading down from the No. 2 spot in the draft (Rookie of the Year Emeka Okafor) to the Charlotte Bobcats at No. 4 (Shaun Livingston) to save rookie salary. In the agreement with Charlotte, the first-year Bobcats selected Clipper reserve center Predrag “Technically Also a Peja” Drobnjak and his $2.55 million salary in the expansion draft.

Clipper free agent Keyon Dooling signed with Miami. The Clippers also traded Melvin Ely and Eddie House to Charlotte for nothing, in a bid for Kobe space.

When Kobe spurned them they loaded up Kittles, but no star occupied Richardson’s old spot, and Kerry Kittles was about to end. Sterling made nearly $1.225 million in his turnaround.

Baylor and GM/coach Mike Dunleavy did well to round out the roster with minimum-salaried helpers (future Most Improved Player Bobby Simmons, Quinton Ross, Mikki Moore) but the Brand-led Clippers failed to break through until winning a (single) playoff series in 2006, the same year Pat Riley’s Heat won the NBA title

Hardly the timeline Chad Ford imagined for the Clips in 2003, when he outlined a plan putting Pat Riley in charge of the Clippers. In this satirical suggestion, Pat led the Clippers to the 2004 NBA title behind the play of Brand, Maggette, and somehow Jason Kidd.

Also Tim Duncan.

And LeBron James.

James had been warning the team ever since it won the lottery that he would refuse to play for the Clippers if they drafted him. Clippers GM Elgin Baylor spent a month pushing and prodding Sterling to make the team attractive enough to convince James that his future rested in L.A.

The resulting plan will certainly go down as one of the boldest initiatives in NBA history. Just one week after drafting James, the Clippers convinced Pat Riley to opt out of his contract with the Miami Heat and take over the coaching duties and basketball operations of the Clippers.

This piece was written in March, 2003, with the Heat at 20-40, set to miss the playoffs for the second consecutive year, still reeling from first round playoff exits in 1998, 1999, and 2001. Chad clearly did not think much about Dwyane Wade at this particular point in the mock drafting process.

Riley agreed to join the Clippers with one stipulation: that Sterling would agree to give him three maximum player contracts to work with and total control on personnel decisions. In return, Riley promised to deliver a championship team.

Chad couldn’t have gone back and changed any of this?

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Dallas signs No. 21 overall pick Pavel Podkolzin to three-year contract

This taller fella (7-5) made over $2.8 million in his NBA career for six games.

Over two seasons our friend played 28 minutes for the Mavericks, pulled nine rebounds (all defensive), blocked a shot, fouled four times, turned it over four times, missed 3-6 free throws and each of his field goal attempts and of course he played in the Russian leagues until 2019:

There’s no way this guy was any worse than DeAndre Jordan in 2018-19, and I know fans from two different home bases will agree with me.

Wizards sign free agent Anthony Peeler

In Nov. 1998 Peeler, not a good dude, was inducted to the University of Missouri Sports Hall of Fame at a ceremony during a football game. Peeler did not attend the ceremony, citing prior commitments, something that would have been understandable in most years because “NBA player” and “November.”

However this was during the 1998 NBA owners’ lockout, when there were no NBA games, no commitments to prioritize ahead of attending your Hall of Fame induction. Anthony Peeler still did not show. Fellow inductee Emmett “Abe” Stuber nearly made it, despite his health, and Abe died nine years before the ceremony.

Charlotte Bobcats sign free agent Corey Benjamin

Obviously, Michael Jordan was not part of the Bobcats’ front office and/or ownership group at this point, Jordan would never let Corey Benjamin on his team:

If you don’t recall the story, Bulls guard and ex-Jordan teammate Randy Brown relayed a little of the second-year guard’s arrogance to Jordan during a postgame meeting following a Bulls loss to Atlanta in Nov. 1999.

And Jordan took that personally.

He flew from Atlanta and up to Bulls camp, challenged Benjamin to a game, and won.

“I think he cheated a couple of times,” Benjamin said. “There were a lot of flagrant fouls. If it hadn’t been for the flagrants, I would have had a couple of more baskets.”

Chicago fans loved to hear that sort of tough talk — no excuses, no BS — from Corey, who had yet to play a minute for the 0-4 Bulls.

Jordan recently said the gnarled index finger on his right hand--the result of an accident with a cigar cutter several months ago — would preclude his playing basketball even if he wanted to.

“It limits me. I can’t do much,” Jordan reiterated on Wednesday. “I just came out to have a good time.”

We’re all having a good time.

“(Benjamin) talked a little trash in Atlanta and I had to come here."

You don’t understand.

He had to.

Benjamin acknowledged issuing the challenge. “I’ve been sending messages probably for the last year and a half,” he said.

“I really didn’t think they would get back to him. They did get back to him and he came at me. I sent messages that I could beat him. He said he was going to play me on Wednesday and he came down here.”

Benjamin, Chicago’s first-round pick in 1998, did not make the Bobcats.

He instead spent 2004-05 in China’s NBL, prior to productive professional stints in Venezuela, Portugal, Puerto Rico, and South Korea.

Nets sign Hawk free agent Jacque Vaughn to one-year, minimum contract

Jacque Vaughn’s time with the Atlanta Hawks had its downs and ups:

Vaughn missed his first 22 shots in 2001-02 before hitting a layup in a 1-5 effort against Utah, leaving Jacque with a 1-27 mark from the field on the season.

Vaughn, of course, went on to have the best shooting season of his career in 2001-02 and by a good margin, finishing at 47 percent from the floor. In 11 other seasons, Vaughn never topped 45 percent.

This means, after Barkley’s prayer, Vaughn (otherwise a career 41.8 shooter) shot 49.88 percent from the floor in 2001-02.

JAILBREAK AKA ROMEO WEEMS