NBA Finals preview

BOSTON CELTICS

C: Robert Williams — interior presence is one reason GSW wants a quick hit to this series, TL is “questionable” for Game 1 but feasibly “a whole hell of a lot better” by Game 5 on June 13.
F/C: Al Horford — around for Boston’s regular season win over GSW, absent for the loss, Golden State’s coverage of Al will be one of this series’ half-to-half subplots. Defensive impact could tilt the series, catching up to three-point shooters is way tougher than closing out on pick and roll partners.
F: Jayson Tatum — biggest step this spring and summer is managing close games, steady fourth quarter work, not simply the whammo-shot at the buzzer.
G/F: Jaylen Brown — Clyde Drexler couldn’t dribble for shit either, we didn’t make podcasts out of it.
PG: Marcus Smart — discussed his open interior shots (he’s bad at them) so much that I’ve already visualized runner after runner going in. Giddy at the idea of him enacting revenge on Draymond Green, keeping a relative check on Stephen Curry, elbowing his way toward Finals MVP.

In the 2021-22 regular season Derrick White scored 41 points on 26 attempts in two games against GSW as a Spur, he was traded to Boston and missed all eight shots against the Warriors on national TV, total Derrick White-move. If White evens out on his scoring forays, Boston’s bench takes on an entirely different character. We should then call Boston’s bench “Hendrix.”

Draymond Green will try to Frank Brickowski-Grant Williams, not the other way around. Williams fits in this series, it won’t be about him but he won’t get lost, either. Don’t mic him up, though … Payton Pritchard will have trouble with Golden State guards, needs to make up for it with zero turnovers and 40 percent from deep … Daniel Theis doesn’t require a championship to validate his legacy.

ALL-TIME NBA NAME

Brett Szabo.

I didn’t know Brett Szabo wore Chris Sabo glasses.

GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS

C: Kevon Looney — played well against the Time Lord-led Celtics during the regular season but will need at least two or three minutes to size up to Boston after peering over the Lilliputians from Dallas.
PF: Draymond Green — he’s online a lot a lot more than he was during the 2016 Finals, does the content let Draymond blow off steam, or does it turn up the heat? Everyone needs a day off from the NBA, I don’t want Draymond’s takes to take a day off but I do worry over mental fatigue in a long series.
SF: Andrew Wiggins — not as worried with Andrew.
SG: Klay Thompson — ready for the ABC clip packages spotlighting his stout defense, the highlights that make you think the commercial break is over when it actually isn’t, more ads, here’s another fucking insurance commercial from the same company that stopped insuring your car because, like, somehow it’s your fault there are deer everywhere.
PG: Stephen Curry — shot 44 percent from the field and 44 from deep against Dallas but Boston’s defense is better than so many things in this world. Boston won’t ease you to the free throw line and it pays attention in transition. Of course, Stephen Curry is insane at basketball.

There aren’t a lot of holes in the Boston perimeter for him to slip through but Jordan Poole (29 points against Boston in March) could flip this series. The C’s don’t like losing heads on the break yet Poole could tear things open with his Leandro Barbosa shit.

Gary Payton II upgraded to “questionable” for Game 1, a full month after Dillon Brooks swiped left. Even with one arm, GP0 could really annoy Derrick White … Yes, I am trying “GP0” … Otto Porter Jr. also “questionable” for Game 1 so don’t expect a DNP-OPJ … Nemanja Bjelica’s in-between lurches could find spot minutes in this series, a little late-quarter goofiness in relief of some star in foul trouble.

Rookie Moses Moody turned 20 on Tuesday. He missed 1-6 shots in a start against Boston last December, and that was with Enes out there … Jonathan Kuminga is younger than Moses but perfect for this series, up against Boston wings whom Kerr wants to wear out. Excited to see where the coaching staff drops Kuminga.

The Warriors cut. You don’t load up on them, can’t tense up, you have to keep on your feet and remain calm. The Warriors won’t look to score through you, these guys want to make the extra pass, they know what it’s like to win while smirking the entire time.

Boston’s defense is supreme but Golden State doesn’t parlay the sorta pinpoint basketball Ime Udoka likes to lord over. Steve Kerr leaves it to his players, opponents can’t scout what five people haven’t made up yet.

Ime won’t try to George Karl-things, he won’t get cute with who guards Stephen Curry and it might not matter, Curry won’t call screen after screen to isolate some number on a page. The Warriors will cut and move. And play defense, though GSW still isn’t at its best on that end — Kerr’s group gave up some awfully high totals against some awfully damaged outfits outta Denver and Memphis.

Draymond Green remains a major chill zone, however, you musn’t go near him. Thoughts of Dray capably sliding over onto Tatum and Brown should horrify Celtics fans, Boston’s series could slip in an instant and the ball would have Green all over it.

How does Boston react to the immediacy, when it all hits in one hour? What happens when the C’s can’t get to the line? Who blinks on Boston when Kerr won’t field Jordan Poole for the Celtics to run plays at? Boston is used to taking games on the road, what happens if the first trip to California yields an ohfer? Is there enough in these C’s to book a flight for Game 5?

Ask Boston’s coach, the Celtics need to show up. The Warriors are a bunch of smart-alecks and blood hits the water once you turn serious, gallons of chum release after you try sincerely and fail. Golden State gets the whole cafeteria laughing at you and it’s a 20-2 run and still 40 minutes left in lunch period.

Boston needs to show, it needs to take the hour between 9:12 PM and 10:12 PM Eastern next Wednesday VERY SERIOUSLY. Shit has to get real in every third quarter. The Celtics cannot let time get away from them.

Boston moves the ball as well, in ways the stickier Mavericks would not, Golden State will struggle adapting to the stereo blare of Tatum and Brown.

The C’s don’t have to dominate, just glide, take advantage of turnovers and transition prominence on both ends. Boston didn’t crush the Nets, Boston beat Brooklyn in four basketball games. No heroics, but great basketball with edges trimmed.

The Warrior weakness is turnovers, mostly committed when Golden State does too much, and not always against crazy-good defense.

That’s Boston’s chance. The Celtics don’t have to be crazy-good to win this title, the Celtics just have to be themselves.

Warriors in seven

GAMES IN THE 2022 NBA FINALS, RANKED

1. Game 2
2. Game 7
3. Game 4
4. Game 1
5. Game 6
6. Game 3
7. Game 5

THIS DATE IN NBA HISTORY

Time for goosebumps:

I love the sound of dirty VHS heads.

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THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES TO RETIRE

The menu, it is terrible.

On a typical day Rick and Pam Barry get up between 10 and noon in their house on Mercer Island outside of Seattle and begin their exercise routine: First, there's 15 minutes designed to develop the arms and upper body and then, to improve their flexibility, the hour-long Jane Fonda Advanced Workout.

After the workout Barry cooks up a pot of natural grain cereal, and they eat one of their two daily meals. Their diet permits virtually no salt, no sugar, no fat, no oil. They are committed to the pursuit of physical perfection, even at the cost of social isolation.

Barry adds bran, raisins and bananas to his cereal, flavors his one piece of Pritikin toast with a smidgen of butter and finishes his meal with fresh papaya and freshly squeezed orange juice, nonfat raw milk and so many vitamin tablets that if you turned him upside down and shook him he would rattle like a pinball machine. As a result of the exercises and the diet, Barry, who is 6'7", now weighs 202 pounds, 20 less than he did at the end of his playing career, and though he looks gaunt, with so many sharp edges that he appears to have been put together from an Erector Set, he's convinced he's in the best shape of his life.

I forgot Rick Barry divorced a Pam in order to marry a Pam. Thank you, Sean Keane, did you find this article when you were on Mt. Everest?.

FIVE WARRIORS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

And … go:

1. Alton Lister — I just closed my eyes and there he was, Alton Lister.

2. Dave Cowens (coach) — the early 2000s was the greatest era of terrible things.

3. Adonal Foyle — “He’s a Renaissance man,” says Warriors general manager
Garry St. Jean. “There aren’t a lot of us in the NBA carrying a briefcase, a computer and four newspapers every day.”

If he’s carrying four newspapers, what the hell is Adonal doing with that computer?

4. Joe Smith — listen, you never forget a name like John’s.

5. Vonteego Cummings — here is a clip of Doris Burke calling a Vonteego Cummings game at Providence (feat. future NBA’ers Mark Blount and Austin Croshere) wherein future Maryland head coach Kevin Willard guards God Shammgod:

TOP FIVE CELTICS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

And … go:

1. Dino Radja — frankly, he looked to be in a bit of pain out there.

2. Larry Siegfried — either played for the Celtics or this guy pitched in Cleveland, I cannot remember.

3. Satch Sanders — you’d want him on your team, too:

4. Leon Powe — just a fun name to say.

5. Rick Fox — ruined two Laker championships by wearing No. 17, a Celtic-tangential number:

“Every year, I went to training camp with the goal of helping the Celtics win their 17th championship,” Fox said. “This has become my reminder. Now, the race is on in my mind, to see if they can get their championship before I get mine. A reminder.”

Boston Celtic president/coach Rick Pitino let the 27-year old Fox go as a free agent a few months earlier.

“I’m not sticking it to them,” he said by way of correction. “But I came in there every year striving for their 17th and my first. That chance can’t happen now for me in Boston. So we’ll see who gets their’s first.”

Pitino renounced Fox’s rights to give Laker center Travis Knight a seven-year, $22 million deal.

I don’t care how many championships the Celtics end up winning, Boston fans are allowed to complain about Rick Pitino for every year of it.

LET’S GO UP

Yacht classic.

The album version, minus Doc Severinsen but + Porcaro, is phenomenal. The ‘Ross’ record is everywhere at used record stores and cheap and you should grab it and listen to it. I just picked up a clean copy when I was in Peoria for six bucks. You think I’m joking, but I’m not. Peoria.

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