Kings can't find the five

Domantas Sabonis' ankle injury shouldn't knock Sacto out of the Play-In batch. No. 10 Dallas is rather inert, and two games behind No. 9 Sacramento. The Kings are three up on the No. 11 Suns and five ahead of the No. 12 Blazers with 15 left to play, starting with Wednesday's home date with the white hot Cleveland Cavaliers, Cavs utterly enraged after losing to the Clippers on Tuesday.

Sacramento's work isn't over, even if Sabas returns before April. The Cavs owe the Kings a home game in April, Sacto owes the Pistons and Pacers a visit. The Kings have yet to host the Celtics or Bucks, they'll play Oklahoma City next Tuesday and the Suns on the last day of the regular season.

One cannot imagine life as a Sacramento Kings fan. One may come close, Bulls devotee here, but I'll never get it. Never understand why it hurts to watch the Warriors – the lowly, Ekpe Udoh-Warriors – rise and then rise and then rise again, while the Kings can't even turn over a playoff series, haven't won one since the day before 'Mean Girls' was released.

Golden State grew, the Kings stayed behind. We Believe vaulted past the EncouraKings as the North's claim to NBA spartan supremacy. The distance grew further as Steph Curry's ascent broken-mirrored Tyreke Evans' uneasy grip on stardom. Then the Warriors won the Finals that Sacramento never even made it to. Then a completely different title in 2022, now this.

The Warriors aren't sustained, Spurs-like excellence: Golden State missed the (proper) postseason in three of the last five seasons, the Kings had every chance to reclaim the relevance during GSW's fallow years and flopped. Golden State's trip to the lottery only resulted in James Wiseman and Jonathan Kuminga, there was no lottery luck involved, Golden State actually moved down three combined ticks in 2020 and 2021.

The Warriors did well to keep afloat working around desperate moves (Kevin Durant-to-D'Angelo Russell-to-all-around salve Andrew Wiggins) made by the man whom Kendrick Perkins is outarguing on an ESPN set at this very moment.

The Warriors weren't light years ahead of anything, criticized throughout the Bob Myers-to-Mike Dunleavy crossover yet here, they, are. No. 6 in the West, in the proper postseason. While the Kings settle and re-settle back into whatever the fuck they've doing since they tried to make fetch happen.

Outsiders are restless. Some shape must take hold. We're stuck waiting for the answers to questions Dick Vitale posed upon Kings coach Rick Adelman's firing in 2006:

Only in the NBA can a coach get dumber as the years go by.

That's right, think about it. How can a guy with a resume like Rick Adelman's get fired? He led the franchise to eight straight playoff berths. Adelman was the most successful coach in the team's history and earlier during his leadership Sacramento won 50 or more games in five consecutive seasons.

Yet he gets the ziggy.

Dickie, 11 other Kings coaches earned the same ziggy between spring of 2007 and December's firing of Mike Brown.

Enough to make Sacramento's leading scorer want to leave Sacramento to play for a San Antonio team featuring a single head coach since 1997, the year De'Aaron Fox was born.

De'Aaron Fox is not a Sacramento King anymore, his space with the Spurs should not hold Sacramento's interest, his season-ending injury should not be news, the Kings don't even get San Antonio's first-round pick in June in exchange for Fox's services.

They'll get the 2027 pick, Kings fans should check in then. And they should check into the heap of leak Fox left on his way out of town, how the Kings responded, and how it benefits what appears to be a somewhat chagrined Sacramento ownership group. As if that'll matter.

The Kings do not want to rebuild, Fox did not want to spend his prime on a rebuilding club, but the Kings' former point guard clearly saw a head coaching switchover as yet another rebuilding effort. The Kings were a No. 3 seed 20 months before Brown's firing, the trade deadline was over a month away, Fox wasn't ready to give up on the old regime.

Then the Kings made the firing worse by telling everybody about the firing but their star, including the star's agent, Rich Paul. This made the eventual, we fired the coach-convo rather eye-rolling:

"We're sitting there trying to have the conversation, but I know what he's about to tell me because Rich had already told me," said Fox, who didn't reveal which member of the organization he spoke with.

"A reporter calls trying to break the story, but mind you, our GM hasn't told me yet. So, it had already been told, even before I was told by our team."

Worse was the way the Kings executives left the new coach and holdover players to explain the passive path of this directionless franchise. The Kings GM(s) declined to hold interviews in the wake of the change. Weak.

"You fire the coach, and you don't do an interview?" Fox said. "So, all the blame was on me. Did it weigh on me? No. I don't give a f—. But the fact y'all are supposed to be protecting your player and y'all let that happen. ... I felt at the time the organization didn't have my back."

Laaaame, and unacceptable for owner Vivek Ranadive, now wrapping up his twelfth full season as Kings leader.

The Kings tried to play it three ways, failed. Gave Mike Brown an extension while eyeing Doug Christie as the future of the club's bench, while telling the superstar what he wanted to hear. Mike Brown got the money and unwanted martyrdom, Fox got the excuse to go be a pretty-good, max-paid player elsewhere, and Doug Christie (two decades later, now the least-embarrassing King) gets to make sense of this mess.

The problem with all this is the Kings, they're not bad. Half of the NBA's 30 teams own positive point differential, the Kings are the least positive. This is an average team playing in the West, so, pretty good.

They still pass poorly, I don't see a future in Christie's hopes for an aggressive defense with the declining seasons of Zach LaVine and DeMar DeRozan ahead, with Sabonis manning the front of the rim, with Keegan Murray doing his best to fulfill everybody's wild, disparate, expectations.

The defense looks marvelous when it slaps steals but by and large players mostly think about what just happened on offense on defense, which means they put twice as much pressure on the next offensive possession. Better hit from the corner, Keegan. Better get that call, Zach.

There is enough rotation here to make ground with Sabonis out, the team has a six-game homestand ahead of it, cruelly beginning with that Cavalier contest. Six-game roadstand to follow, but we'll board that plane when asked.

Rookie Devin Carter cannot shoot but he remains a dervish, he will provide plus second quarter minutes in March. The 24-year old Murray is fine, improving, he'll be awesome in April. LaVine hits 44 percent from deep with the Kings (though his free throw rate decreased), Malik Monk can win NBA games by himself. Jake LaRavia and Trey Lyles cannot, but they can help, each can dunk.

Christie may not be a savior, but Brown wasn't the answer. And Vivek is at least to be credited for the silver lining: Sacramento's ownership will eat contracts if they think it will improve the club. The team will not be on the hook for paying Fox a quarter-billion, and any success without Sabonis could encourage more creative offseason swapsmanship from Sacramento's side. Maybe Jeremy Lamb is out of Sacramento's system by then.

So they're the Bulls. At least they're good at it.

HAD SOME TIME OFF

Re-watched the old Nik Stauskas video, from the 2014 NBA draft. Took notes.

The Kings’ staff owned issues over Joel Embiid and Marcus Smart, which makes sense. It is 11 years later and Joel Embiid and Marcus Smart cannot stay healthy, Smart even bumped his head in his first game as a Wizard.

Draft 3.0, good gravy, this generation and its new-point-O’s. We're making a video about the Sacramento Kings deciding who to chose with the No. 8 pick, not re-inventing anyone's operating system. This is just a basketball team called "the Sacramento Kings" trying not to fuck it up like they did with Thomas Robinson and Ben McLemore.

Look at the unnatural positions Pete D’Alessandro puts his staff in, to do right for an internet video.

Kings executive Chris Mullin advises that the finest thing an analytics consultant can do is tell the full-time staff exactly what they want to hear.

The Kings value Joel Embiid above all other prospects in the 2014 NBA draft, but because of Joel's foot ailments they’ve decided not to trade up to No. 3 to select Embiid. As if the Process-era Sixers were listening to any sorts of trade offers for the acknowledged best player in the 2014 draft from the DeMarcus Cousins, Isaiah Thomas, Greivis Vazquez-ledz Kangz. Sam Hinkie didn't stop tanking for top picks until the NBA took the team away from him.

The Kings ranked Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker and Noah Vonleh as the top-three studs on the board, listing Vonleh’s ceiling as a Chris Bosh-type, and his floor as “Thompson.”

Which Thompson? So-so former Kings lottery pick Jason Thompson? Jason's brother Ryan Thompson? Klay Thompson? Tristan Thompson? Tom’s son? How did Tom get in here? Where'd his kid go?

Noah Vonleh’s floor turned out to be “Noah Vonleh.” Basketball-Reference compares Noah Vonleh most favorably to Marty Conlon, and that’s about as accurate a reading as a computer's ever made.

Marcus Smart is ranked No. 5, his ceiling is “Good Larry Hughes.”

If you consider this designation insulting, understand the first choice was "Contract Year Larry Hughes."

No. 6-ranked Dante Exum’s floor, in the spirit of 2014's moment, is “Shaun Livingston,” but Exum's ceiling is “Michael Carter-Williams,” the most recent Rookie of the Year. MCW is, by now, the sort of career GMs currently use as the “floor” example. Shaun Livingston was in five consecutive NBA Finals after this draft.

And Dante Exum is in the middle of each of them. I didn't say the scouting was bad, I said 2014 was strange and different.

Aaron Gordon’s ceiling is “Blake Griffin” and his floor is “Bad Andrei Kirilenko,” which is impossible, there was never such a thing, not even when Andrei’s wife allowed it.

Timidly and for the cameras, the GM asks the stat kids to explain why they prefer Elfrid Payton over Nik Stauskas and the stat kids start laughing. Then they turn polite in discussion over Stauskas’ lacking defense, as if Nik’s dad were in the room.

A shot of the Kings’ Big Board reveals Sacramento believes Stauskas’ ceiling is “Klay Thompson,” which, sure. Anything's a ceiling if you can keep it indoors. Unfortunately I cannot read Stauskas’ floor, unless they think his floor is “Bismack Biyombo,” which is the best I can make of each of those letters, I'd love to hear other deciphering in the comments.

Gary Harris, who went No. 19, is the 11th-best prospect on Sacramento’s roster, given a “Bradley Beal” ceiling. Not bad: Payton and Harris each managed NBA minutes in 2024-25.

The Kings GM, the focus of all this 3.0, allowed himself to be caught licking or picking his teeth with the corner of his phone while in repose. Time to introduce his boss, Mr. Ranadive.

With his boss right next to him, D’Alessandro squishes into his seat and confidently insists that, for the Cleveland Cavaliers at the top overall pick, “they gotta go Parker.”

D’Alessandro’s boss corrects him. “No, Wiggins.”

D’Alessandro corrects his boss. “Parker.”

The assurance is followed by the television in the room, Rece Davis asking, “will it be Wiggins? Will it be Parker?” This is odd, it was never Parker. The only mock draft I see mentioning Jabari with the top pick was from Marc Spears, one of the noblest entries among NBA scribes, but Marc’s choice mostly came down to the fact that Parker briefly played at the same college which Cavalier point guard Kyrie Irving briefly played at.

The Cavs select Wiggins and ESPN’s cameras ensure D’Alessandro takes his microdefeat on record, and on the chin. Parker goes to the Bucks at No. 2, Embiid is available and ESPN’s cameras cut to an older shot of the stat kids looking at their laptops. Over in Philadelphia, 76ers GM Sam Hinkie turns down Sacramento’s shyte offer one final time before selecting the future MVP.

The Sixers select Embiid and ESPN cuts to another day-old shot of the stat kids, one fidgeting with a squirrely laptop, I have questions as to why the editor and director (now a “Senior Director” at the NBA) chose this particular shot to convey rebellion amongst the underlings.

The Celtics choose Marcus Smart at No. 6 and the Lakers line up Julius Randle with the next pick and the Kings look relieved, somehow, like they’d dodged a bullet with that pair plus Embiid. Philly offers two second-rounders to move up from No. 10 to No. 8 and the Kings laugh it off. Hinkie laughs, too, knowing he’s still well on his way toward turning second-rounders into NBA objects of purported value, basketball bro crypto.

The Kings take Stauskas over Elfrid Payton — no big deal, No. 8 picks are usually bummers — though the clip scrunches faces a decade later.

They took him ahead of Doug McDermott and T.J. Warren and Tyler Ennis and James Young, so, who cares. It wasn’t nearly the most embarrassing Kings draft on paper, Ranadive and Vlade Divac chose Marvin Bagley III over Luka Dončić four years later. Pete D'Alessandro still has a job in the NBA and for good reason, Vlade Divac does not, and for good reason.

What’s different is this is the draft where the Kings tried to be cool, 3.0. When all the would-be bosses involved thought they were lending insight into the release of a new Kings product, while forgetting that they're choosing eighth in line.

Vivek later weaseled out and told the USA Today that he was fine with either Payton or Stauskas, which is quite the retrospective comment from someone caught on camera quoting Stauskas’ workout marks (“91 out of one-hundred three-pointers”) as if they were the opening eight words to "Yesterday."

It is possible to do this without being extremely corny. Just normal, bro-corn.

The Phoenix Suns are led by a billionaire with dyed hair, an ex-jock, and an agent's kid, but they still managed to make moving into the first round entertaining, not as enervating as what the Kings put themselves through.

GOLDEN STATE

The Warriors came back down to earth in spectacular fashion, clanging against the visiting Nuggets on Monday night before embarrassing the favored Milwaukee on Tuesday. Losing with Stephen Curry on Monday, winning without him (rest) on Tuesday.

Jimmy Butler played Tuesday's entire fourth quarter (nine points, four dimes, three boards) in the Buck win, spun out of the gate, buckets right out of the break, with scores and dishes and (most effective for these Warriors) silent trips to the line. Jimmy raised an arm in objection when a clear shooting foul was called on the floor, before acquiescing to reality, heading to the sideline to inbound the ball. The most I've seen him moan to refs, all year.

Butler's normal when he's at work. The Warriors want to be cosmic but they are consistent, instead, disappointing on national television against the Nikola Jokic-less Nuggets (hilariously inept, 20 turnovers, 8-33 from deep, 15-27 from the free throw line), firing it up without Steph the next night against the all-in Bucks. Giannis attempted to snort through the frontline of a group which worked the night before, failed.

Of course the Warriors let the winning streak down without the MVP to overcome, of course they'd make up for it the next night.

Not all of the Warriors worked each night: Brandin Podziemski (17 points, 4-7 from deep, seven boards against the Bucks) rebounded wonderfully from a night off in the Denver loss, the local Milwaukee broadcast mentioning by name and town each of Brandin's Wisconsinite relatives watching back home. Trayce Jackson-Davis earned his first important minutes in a while, if but four. Otherwise the second-year center (who DNP-CD'd vs. the Zeke Nnaji-led Nuggets) is only in there if the game is a blowout, or briefly when Kevon Looney picks up two fouls immediately after checking into a game.

Each had time to observe from the bench, relax, find spots to fit in. Everyone needs that realignment from time to time, even the best to ever do it, that's why Stephen Curry wore a sweatshirt to work on Tuesday. Sat on the bench, watched and listened and learned, didn't play.

Buddy Hield played in the Denver loss but not really (1-4 from the field off the bench), he ran like mad against Milwaukee, making up for everything even if the shots didn't go in, which they did, 15 points on seven attempts.

Hield felt bad when Andrew Wiggins was dealt and not Buddy. Partially because it meant Buddy wasn't making as much as Andrew Wiggins which meant Buddy couldn't be traded to Miami, but also because Hield understands what Wiggins meant to these Warriors' designs:

"When guys were traded, it was a rough day for [Warriors coach Steve Kerr]," Hield said Wednesday on 95.7 The Game's "Steiny & Guru." "Especially with Wiggs, it was emotional in that locker room. I was even more emotional because I wish it was me that got trade d because Wiggs did so much for this franchise. For a guy like that, I hated to see him go like that because he's done so much for this franchise.

"And I said, 'Man, I wish that was me,' because he's put his mark on this franchise, and I know how much he meant to this franchise and the city of San Fran."

Listen, they're not building any statues, but it is important to have a solid two-way swingman to rely upon.

Golden State one of a trillion teams controlling its destiny over some awfully choosey waters. The Warriors are sure to soon catch up with the group in search of the second seed (Houston, Denver, Lakers, Grizzlies), the final fortnight is full of crisp contests to create playoff corners. Bodacious bracket.

Then we'll dig into the playoffs, and my new favorite thing: Draymond Green clearing his throat and everyone getting out of the way so that Draymond can get Jimmy Butler the ball where Jimmy Butler wants it.

Green loves Butler because Draymond can count on Butler to catch tough passes in traffic, not overreact, make the slow and smart decision. The superstar decision, usually another pass.

Which is scarier for the West, now, with Moody and Kuminga roaming. They'll catch a ball in traffic and, contrary to Butler, make the "quick and whatever" decision to take that shot. Golden State needs this sort of thirst, requires it to move over the top. When they build that Andrew Wiggins statue they'll portray him looking really, really thirsty.

I require the same release as everyone else but am left hamstrung by my viewing choices, I don't watch movies or TV from this century, I watch basketball. Curry is my Chris Pratt. Green and Butler are the corny-ass baddies, lines scanning like they were coughed out of a computer named "PG-13," villainous motivations denuded for international consumption. The whole outfit is led by a Lincoln Project lib and bossed by more than one nepo baby and I love it.

THE CLIPPERS

L.A. is in the middle of about as tough a three-game stretch as NBA basketball gets: Cleveland, Memphis and Oklahoma City all visit the building, +28.2 combined points per game differential on a Tuesday, Friday and Sunday.

Tuesday went well, the Clippers kept pace with the Cavs, fell behind on those same points before letting Kawhi Leonard loose late, eventually handing Cleveland the fourth-worst of its dozen losses so far, 132-119.

These are stretches made for old men, ol' Clippermen, all salty from scar tissue and groin punchery gone wrong.

Two full days off before Memphis shows up Friday night, a casual walk-through on Saturday afternoon, Thunder for Sunday. The Clippers play the Knicks next Wednesday and Nets next Friday before hitting Cleveland a week from Sunday. The Clippers will spend two full weeks in two (full, LA and NYC) cities.

This isn't a needed respite, either, the Clippers have won seven of eight, dutifully taking care of business while easing Kawhi Leonard (25 points per game in March, 6.5 rebounds and 3.1 assists per game, 36 minutes over eight contests, 51/40/75) into playoff-sized portions.

The Clippers probably gave up on the idea of James Harden helping a Clipper postseason charge the minute they traded for James but that ain't the point: Harden's regular season buoyancy brought these Clips to the position to pounce. And his league-leading connectivity with Ivica Zubac is utterly unique, those two are playing an entirely different game than the eight shadows surrounding them.

RILEY

He's gonna get Cooper Flagg isn't he?

Sorry.

LAKERS STAT

Sorry.

LeBron's rebound rate at age 40 is 13.4 percent.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar either tied (1981-82, age 34) or barely exceeded (1984-85, 13.5 percent), or fell well short of that rebound rate in the final seven seasons of Abdul-Jabbar's career. When Kareem was in his 40s, his final two seasons, he managed about an 11.5 rebound rate.

Also Kareem is taller.

JUMP CHILDREN

Sorry to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Thank you for reading!